Boys on the Side SCENE 1 JANE Thank you. I'm Jane DeLuca, this is Johnny Figgis, and our band. MAN I'm going to take a leak, Babe. WOMAN Bye. JANE Did you see that bitch, man? JOHNNY Fuck her. JANE I'm going to fuck her! JOHNNY Wait! J...J...Jane! JANE Girl, that man is so fine! WOMAN Yeah, actually he is. JANE Is this your first date? WOMAN Mm hm. Listen, do you need to clear something? Go ahead and take everything, just leave us the glasses. JANE No, I was the singer up there. You didn't see me? I was like signaling and going like this to you. WOMAN What are you talking about? JANE You don't know? Oh Baby! You had the biggest, greenest thing hanging out of your nose, so I kept going like this. WOMAN Oh my God. You could see it from up there? JANE Baby, it looked like Gumby doing Tarzan. It was huge! WOMAN Oh my God! All right. JANE You know. SCENE 2 MAN You blew my rent, man! I had an important A &R guy coming down and you fucked me! You know what? You're outta here! You're canceled! Forget it! JOHNNY No, you can't...Hey, wait! MAN Wait for what? Till you learn to sing? JANE What's up with him? What did he want? JOHNNY You wanna know what's up with him? That son-of-a- bitch just fucked us! SCENE 3 JANE You know, this town is dead for me anyway. We got that gig in L.A., we'll just leave a little early. JOHNNY Yeah, well maybe this is trying to telling us something. You know what I'm saying? JANE Yeah, it's telling us we're fucking fired! That's what it's telling us. JOHNNY Well, no, not just this. I mean, maybe L.A. isn't the answer to our problems. JANE Well, what does that mean? JOHNNY Well, Tommy hooked me up with some studio work in the city. It's good money. It's in the city. And I've got to think of Debbie here, you know? JANE Oh, Debbie? Isn't that the little girl in Queens who sets her hair everyday, this is suddenly a factor? TAXI Yo! Get the fuck outta the way! JANE You get the fuck out of my way! Do you understand? Go back to Pakistan! JOHNNY Look, I've gotta be realistic here, all right? I've got to look ahead. I mean, how long have you've been doing this shit? What, for seventeen years? Look... JANE Look, what? Look, what?! JOHNNY I don't want that to happen to me, okay? JANE You should be so lucky! JOHNNY Hey, I got priorities here, you know! JANE You know, she's holding you back, man. Everybody says it. She's like Yoko with bangs! JOHNNY They don't say that she's holding me back, okay? Look. All I'm saying is, don't go to L.A. All right? I mean, even if you don't got shit going on here, you still got all that voice-over stuff... JANE Let me tell you something, man. You stay here. You stay here and you play daddy, okay? I'm gone. JOHNNY Jane! SCENE 4 Jane is packing her things, finds an advertisement in the newspaper asking for a driver to drive to the west coast. SCENE 5 JANE That was in '78. I was supposed to be the new Aretha, but the old Aretha was the new Aretha and I was neither one, so I was something that no one had ever seen before. ROBIN Sure. JANE So I'm gettin' the fuck out! (To waitress): Could I get some french fries, please? WAITRESS Coming right up. JANE You know, head down to L.A., get some gigs going, get the heat happening. ROBIN Well, great. That's perfect because I can drop you there, and then head on to San Diego on my own. JANE Great. ROBIN You know, I used to sing, too. JANE Oh really? ROBIN Mm hm. Nothing professional. Mostly amateur talent competitions. JANE Oh, "Star Search" or something? ROBIN Sort of. Only I never made it that far. I played the piano and sang. JANE What did you sing? ROBIN "Way Over Yonder." Carole King. "Close to You." The Carpenters. It was the seventies. JANE "Close to You"? ROBIN You know, why do birds suddenly appear every time you appear, "Just like me, they long to be..." JANE Yeah, I know. I know. Why San Diego? ROBIN Well, why not? You know. I'm in real estate, and right now the market is just unbelievably bad. And I think sometimes you have to make a change. You have to take control and say: "Things are going to be different. I can make them different if I believe in them in my heart." JANE Hey, fuck "Star Search." You should have been Miss America. SCENE 6 ROBIN Um, I hope you don't mind my mentioning this: no smoking in the car. JANE What do you mean, no smoking? ROBIN No smoking in the car. JANE Whatsoever? ROBIN I'm going uptown. Can I give you a lift? Yoo hoo! Taxi! JANE No, I have a car. One in which I smoke... ROBIN So what do you think? I think it could work. JANE I'll let you know in a couple of days, okay? ROBIN Because I really need to leave, as soon as possible, and I just don't want to it alone. I don't think that would be safe. And you're the first person that answered the ad. I think that's a sign of something. I think you'd be fine. I mean, I think our personalities would mesh. JANE Look, Robin, right? You're a nice lady and I'm sure there's a lot of things about yourself that you just can't help and I understand that. But I don't fuckin' think we mesh at all. And I'm sure there's somebody out there who wants to go cross country with the whitest woman on the face of the earth, singing Carpenter songs and reliving childhood memories. But it ain't me. (To tow truck driver): Hey! That's my car, man! Hey! That's my car! Hey! That's my car! ROBIN That's gonna cost at least $200 to get your car back. SCENE 7 MAN Okay, Jane. Good luck in L.A., man. Earthquakes, fires, riots...they got some real crazy bastards out there in California. I don't know why you want to go out there anyway. (To other mover): Hey, easy with that piano! SCENE 8 Robin is packing, putting notes on everything. SCENE 9 Jane is packing her tapes. SCENE 10 Robin lies awake in bed. SCENE 11 ROBIN Good morning! SCENE 12 JANE Listen, I've got a friend in Pittsburgh. Do you mind if we stop, pick her up and take her out for lunch? ROBIN No, absolutely. No problem. Deal. (Takes picture): Smile! (Remembers childhood memory): My brother threw up, right here, near Exit 7. I remember, we pulled over. JANE How come he's not making this trek with you down memory lane? Or does he have a life? ROBIN He doesn't, as a matter of fact. He died of cancer when he was six. JANE Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Man. ROBIN Would you mind if I used your headphones? JANE No, go ahead. SCENE 13 ANSWER MACHINE "Hi, you've reached Nick and Holly, leave a message...(Jane hangs up). SCENE 14 WOMAN There's a sick lady in the bathroom. Is she with somebody here? WAITRESS She's outside. WOMAN Is that your friend in there in the bathroom? JANE Yeah. WOMAN Girl, you better get in there. She's in there throwin' up. JANE Thanks. SCENE 15 JANE Hey, are you all right? ROBIN That stupid woman. I told her I was fine. JANE You look like shit. ROBIN Thank you. Allergies. I have allergies. They come and they go. Some people think it's all in my head. Do you ever knock? JANE Not in a public toilet, no. SCENE 16 JANE I'm really sorry. It's probably because I brought your brother up. ROBIN Oh, no no. It's not that. I'm fine. I'll be fine if we just keep moving. It's not that...You smell like an ashtray. SCENE 17 JANE (Talking on the phone): I'm just goin' down to L.A. to...(Robin knocks on the door): What?! ROBIN Are you getting HBO? Because we're supposed to get HBO and it's not on mine. JANE I don't know. I'm on the phone here. ROBIN Oh, I'm sorry. JANE No, come in and check. Come in. (Talking on the phone): Yes, I'm on my way to L.A. and I thought I'd stop by and see you...No, no, I said Tuesday or Wednesday. Are you okay? No, it's just...All right, no, I'll wait. ROBIN "The Way We Were" is on. Robert Redford. Barbara Streisand. "The Way We Were." JANE I don't get out much. ROBIN It was twenty years ago. Oh great, you've got it. Do you...do you mind? JANE No, please. Please. (Talking on the telephone): No, I'm here. No, I figured we'd come by tomorrow around noon. Are you okay? I mean, is it Nick? No, fine, fine. All right. Yeah, no...I'll see you then. Good-bye. ROBIN Is that your friend in Pittsburgh? JANE Yeah. If she is still my friend. ROBIN That's nice. I don't really have any girlfriends. My mom always felt, you know, you can't trust women. JANE I don't know about that. ROBIN Oh, come on. Men know all about PMS. Somebody talked. SCENE 18 ROBIN Oh! That gets me the way she like brushes his hair off his forehead. That really gets me. JANE So, which one of them were you? The one who loved too much or the one who loved too little? ROBIN Neither. I'm the one who spent three years at Happy Hour and never went home with anybody except the bartender. JANE Well, the bartender is somebody. ROBIN Yeah. He was somebody, all right. I don't know...I don't know about men. I just don't get it. JANE Maybe you're not into them. ROBIN You mean...eew...no. JANE Maybe you don't know. ROBIN I think I scare them away because I know what I want. JANE Oh well, tell me. What do you want? ROBIN It's not very liberated, I know...I want a husband with a decent job, you know. And, I want two kids, a boy and a girl, in that order, and a soap box colonial with three bedrooms, a sun porch, a stairway with a white banister, and a convertible den. JANE You could've been Donna Reed in another life. ROBIN Anyway, I didn't get it. JANE That's all right, there's always time. ROBIN Yeah. JANE Is that why you left New York? Because that bartender did you wrong. ROBIN Something like that...8:00 tomorrow, okay? If you want to get to Pittsburgh by twelve. Goodnight. JANE Goodnight. Thanks for the movie. SCENE 19 ROBIN Well, I looked around, got into real estate. That's where the performing really paid off. Sizing up situations, handling people, getting what you want from them without them really knowing, you know. Control. JANE Don't worry, you don't have to come in. Oh, I hate this belt. ROBIN It's for your own protection if something were to... JANE I know. SCENE 20 JANE (Knocking on the door): Hey Holly! Hey Holly! Hey! Hey! Hey! HOLLY Jane! JANE Hey. HOLLY Hi. JANE Hi! HOLLY You look good. JANE Thanks! Thanks. You, too....What's the matter? NICK Holly! HOLLY Look, something's come up, Nick's in a mood. Could we do this another time? JANE Hey, we're on the road here! Look, I'll handle it. I'll fix it. Let me talk to him! HOLLY Jane! JANE Jesus Christ! NICK Holly! HOLLY He thinks he's lost something. JANE I thought you said he was clean. HOLLY Well, he is. I mean, he has nine months in NA. He's just dealing. And, you know, he has a drink and he gets confused. NICK Holly! If you cleaned this fuckin' place up maybe I'd be able to find my shit! (To Jane): What the fuck are doing here?! JANE Hello Nick. I'm just passin' through. We'll catch you later. (To Holly): C'mon. NICK You think you're going somewhere?! JANE Nick! Nick! Nick! Nick! Don't...be a prick. NICK Stick to what you know, Jane. That's something about you girls I could never figure out. What's sex like without a dick? JANE I don't know, man. You tell me. NICK Fuck you! JANE You wish. (To Holly): Come on. NICK You ain't goin' nowhere! JANE Hey man! NICK This is bullshit! ROBIN All you all right? JANE Uh huh. NICK Who the fuck are you?! ROBIN Hi, how are you? (To Jane): Are we going? JANE Yes. NICK Nobody's going anywhere until I get my coke! This bitch! She stole it! She ain't seein' daylight until she gives it up. HOLLY You don't remember shit when you're drinking, you asshole! You stole it Tuesday night. NICK You remember the last time I called you a liar? Is that the way you want me to play this?! ROBIN Guys! Guys! Guys! My hunch is, our two positions might be a lot closer than we think. Who do you believe he sold it to? HOLLY Frank. This guy uptown. A friend. JANE Hey, Nick! ROBIN Jane. Let me close this. Where's his number? HOLLY It's on the wall. ROBIN I'm Robin, by the way. You must be Holly. HOLLY Hi! It's really nice to meet you. ROBIN Me, too. HOLLY Um, I really like your hair. ROBIN Oh, thanks. The beauty parlor really messed with it. You know how they never understand. (Talking on the telephone): Is Frank there? Yeah. (Hands the phone to Nick). NICK Frank. You score any coke off me Tuesday night? Yeah. How much? Mm hm. That's what I thought! Holly's saying you did! All right, later...So I sold it to him. ROBIN Okay, fine. Let's go. NICK Where's the fucking money?! HOLLY Oh man! JANE Give us a fuckin' break. ROBIN Where's the money? HOLLY He hides it. He always does. The same three or four places and I'm not telling. ROBIN Tell me where. HOLLY I tell you to write it down but you never do, so forget it. NICK You stole it. Jane, you know her. She's a liar and a thief. It's not her fault. It's her fucking nature! JANE Get the fuck away from me. NICK Fuck you, too, man! No fucking trust here! Get the fuck up! That's what fucking hurts! Ahh, Jesus fucking...Ahh (Holly hits Nick over the head with a baseball bat). JANE What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you crazy?! HOLLY Did I hurt him? JANE What do you mean "Did I hurt him?" You hit him with a bat! I'm gonna call the cops, okay? NICK Oh fuck... HOLLY He's alive. JANE Give me the bat! Give it to me right now! NICK I'm gonna kill you, Holly. I'm gonna fuckin' kill you... JANE No! ROBIN Time out! Nobody move. Jane, give me the bat, please. Holly, don't tease him. And Nick, you have some real like ability issues. Now who has tape? SCENE 21 JANE I do not feel good about this. ROBIN Oh, what would you like to do? Call the police? They'll arrest them both. There's drugs everywhere. JANE What are you doing? HOLLY Oh, nothing. JANE What are you doing? HOLLY Just the cash. I'm clean. JANE No. We're not taking drug money on the road. Put it back. HOLLY Well, it's not like you can tell by looking at it. JANE Okay, you have a point. We'll just take half. All right? And, we are not taking drugs with us on the road with us either, so give them here. Thank you. HOLLY You're welcome. ROBIN Okay. We'll take the gag off when we leave and there will be four hours of loud music, after which point you'll will scream for help. Meanwhile, work on the tape. Okay? Phone's in the kitchen. Water. JANE Yeah. ROBIN Thanks, hon. Right here. Everyone go potty, we don't want to have to stop! HOLLY I went. JANE Look what she's doing! ROBIN Don't tease the animal! Come on. Go! Go! Go! NICK I'm gonna kill you Holly! I'm gonna kill you! Holly! ROBIN Let's go! Don't worry. I feel really firmly about it. All right, buckle up! JANE Would you close the door! SCENE 22 JANE I am not going over a cliff for you two, so just forget it. SCENE 23 Nick frees himself from the tape. SCENE 24 HOLLY I've got some friends in St. Louis. You remember Linda. I can stay with her. So, where are you guys going? ROBIN Los Angeles, then San Diego. JANE Yeah, and you're not coming. HOLLY Bummer. JANE Listen. Why did you stay with this guy so long? HOLLY A lot of that back there was drugs. You know, they really fuck him up. ROBIN But he's a really nice guy underneath? HOLLY Well, I wouldn't go that far. JANE It's the sex. Come on, let's be frank, okay. He was great in bed. Am I right? HOLLY Sometimes. I don't know, I mean, I think that there's something beyond sex. JANE Yeah, me. HOLLY Well, I don't know, but I certainly didn't like his attitude and I'm going to think long and hard before I take him back. JANE You go, girl. SCENE 25 ANSWER MACHINE "Hi, you've reached Nick and Holly. Leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you." NICK Oh, my fuckin' head! (Nick falls down dead). SCENE 26 HOLLY Thank you, really? Oh my God, are you kidding? That "Dance Fever" was my favorite. I thought Danny Tarragon was the coolest guy I ever heard... JANE Would you look at her! It's pathological, man. ROBIN She's young. JANE I guess. How you doing? ROBIN I'm fine. A little tired. JANE You were great back there. You must have sold a ton of condos. ROBIN It was kind of fun. Adrenaline. JANE You were very frightening. I was very proud of you. HOLLY Um, it was very nice meeting you. SCENE 27 HOLLY Yes! (To Jane): Is Robin asleep already? JANE Yeah, you know, she gets tired real easy. HOLLY You know, she doesn't look so good. JANE She has all those allergies, man. You know, they come and go. Did you call Linda yet? HOLLY Yeah, I was just thinking. You guys can just go ahead and leave tomorrow and I'll just grab a bus. JANE Well why? We're going right through St. Louis. I mean, it's no big deal...Oh, you're going back, aren't you? HOLLY Might as well. JANE What do you mean, "Might as well"? This is a guy who kicks your ass all the time. This is not love, Honey. HOLLY Yeah, maybe you're right. JANE Look. The man is going to kill you. We humiliated him. We tied him up. Come on! HOLLY I mean, I can't always do what you think I should do. Like, we've been there, Jane. JANE Fine. I just don't understand why you keep setting yourself up to get hurt. That's all. HOLLY You should talk. JANE What does that mean? HOLLY Look, you've guys have been really great and I really like Robin, and I just hope you know that she's not gay. JANE Well, so what? HOLLY So, that's what I meant by saying, "You should talk." SCENE 28 FRANK Hey Nick. Nick? Oh shit! SCENE 29 MAN Passengers with tickets, please go directly to the forwarding area. Those passengers still needing tickets, please purchase them at the ticket window. Please take all luggage to the baggage loading area. ROBIN Here we are. Okay. Take care of yourself. HOLLY You, too. Get some sunshine, okay? ROBIN Okay. HOLLY Promise? ROBIN Yeah. HOLLY Okay. Take care of yourself. ROBIN Okay. HOLLY Bye, Jane. JANE Bye. HOLLY She'll get over it. See ya. SCENE 30 WOMAN Thank you. ROBIN It's her life. JANE Yeah, but she gives us all a bad name with that "I'm addicted to a bad guy" stuff. ROBIN Well... WOMAN #2 Thank you. I hope that everything was satisfactory. JANE Um, actually, the green on number eight is a little rough. WOMAN #2 Oh really? Well, we'll check it out as soon as we can. Is there anything else? SCENE 31 ROBIN Jane! JANE What? What? Why are you screaming like that? What?! (They see in the newspaper that Nick is dead). Oh shit. SCENE 32 ROBIN Move closer! Just a little bit closer. Okay. JANE There she is. ROBIN Okay. Holly! Holly! HOLLY! HOLLY! Holly! Nick...dead! No...Nick...dead! Sounds like "head!" Oh, wait a minute. I have a good idea. (Writes the French word for "dead" on the window). JANE What are you writing? ROBIN "Morre." JANE She's not going to know what... ROBIN It's French for "dead!" I can't write dead...! HOLLY Who's Morty? ROBIN (Holds newspaper up to window) Dead! Get off the bus! SCENE 33 HOLLY Oh, I can't believe this. I mean, he was alive when we left! I have a photo. Do you think it would help? Poor Nick. He was such a nice guy, once in a while. JANE Stop with the "nice guy' stuff. They have to believe this was self-defense. HOLLY Who's "they"? JANE What do you mean, "Who's they?" The cops in Pittsburgh. HOLLY Oh! You want me to go back there? JANE Yeah! HOLLY Now? JANE Yes! HOLLY I couldn't. JANE Why not? HOLLY Memories. JANE What fuckin' memories? ROBIN Why does she have to go back? Why don't we just pretend we never saw it? JANE Please tell me you're kidding. ROBIN No. When we left, he was alive. How do we know that what she did killed him? HOLLY Exactly! I mean, he could have tripped and hit his head on the bat. It could happen. JANE No! You're going back. This is not a game. HOLLY I can't go to jail. Not with the baby. ROBIN What baby, Honey? HOLLY I'm eight weeks pregnant. JANE What? You were going to bring a baby into that house? HOLLY Oh, like what were my options? JANE How about abortion? HOLLY I couldn't do that. I'd feel like a murderer. JANE Honey, you are a murderer! HOLLY Oh God. To think it's possible that I killed my baby's daddy. JANE To think it's possible? You hit him in the head with a baseball bat--he's dead! HOLLY No! To think it's possible that Nick is the daddy? SCENE 34 ROBIN We never saw the newspaper. She hit him in self- defense. She split. She's never gonna see him again. I'll call my lawyer in New York. He'll tell us what to do. If we have to go back, we'll say we came as soon as we found out. JANE That's fine with me. I suggest we keep driving. We sleep in shifts. The farther away from that body I get, the happier I'll be. SCENE 35 HOLLY She wrote, "The Ballad of the Lonely Masturbater," here, try this it's really good... "The Celebration of my Uterus," and... ROBIN Oh, no no, Holly. Stop the car! Stop it! HOLLY Oh fine! I'll go get it. All right! SCENE 36 HOLLY See, Nick had this house with this drummer that Jane knew. And we'd all hang out together. But then Nick pissed some people off and we had to move to Pittsburgh...Can I have a bite of that? Yeah, well...it's been a long couple of days. ROBIN Tell me about it. HOLLY Jane's been so great to me. I mean, at first she just liked me because of the whole "gay thing." ROBIN Jane's gay? HOLLY Like, hello! You didn't know? ROBIN I don't know, I just...Don't look! It's okay. It's okay. HOLLY Anyway, she just got dumped so you know, rebound time. ROBIN Oh. HOLLY I know, eew gross. But don't worry. She won't try anything, especially not after me. I told her that is was a real self-hating thing to get crushes on straight girls. ROBIN But this person that dumped her, she's gay, right? HOLLY Yeah, but I mean even with gay girls, there are no guarantees. They're very emotional. That's about all I know. They love uniforms, and don't break their hearts. ROBIN Uniforms? HOLLY Oh yeah, all kinds. Especially U.P.S. WAITRESS Will that be all? ROBIN Yeah. WAITRESS I'll get the check. ROBIN Thanks. HOLLY Not that I'm an expert. I mean, she's the only one I've seen, except for the ones in the porno tapes Nick used to rent...I'm sorry. It's just every time I think of his little ways... SCENE 37 Jane, Robin and Holly are driving, listening to music and singing. SCENE 38 ROBIN Try to look a little more western. That's good. JANE Take the picture! ROBIN You sort of need to something. JANE Here. ROBIN That's cute. (Robin has a childhood memory) SCENE 39 JANE Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Who you calling? Who you calling? HOLLY I was calling a friend. JANE Uh uh, no, you can't call that friend, he's dead. And you're not supposed to know he's dead. HOLLY But...I want my friend. I want Nick! SCENE 40 JANE Hey, will you come talk to Holly, please. ROBIN Don't come in! JANE What's the matter? SCENE 41 DOCTOR Ms. DeLuca? JANE Yes. DOCTOR Susan Newbauer. She asked me to talk to you. It's pneumonia. We'll have to keep her here for a couple of days. JANE Can we see her? DOCTOR Tomorrow, after eleven. Just go on up to the eighth floor. It's typical in this kind of AIDS-related pneumonia. JANE AIDS? You tellin' me she's got AIDS? DOCTOR Yes. I'm sorry, I thought you knew. JANE No, I didn't. DOCTOR She's okay. She'll be out in less than a week. SCENE 42 JANE How ya doin'? ROBIN Okay. I'm sorry. JANE For what? It's not like you knew this was going to happen. ROBIN I thought...if I could just go somewhere else...I could make it...not happen. I shouldn't have lied to you. JANE It wasn't a lie, exactly. It was more like a sinful omission. Can I sit down? ROBIN Sure. JANE So I guess now we're even. ROBIN How so? JANE Well, Holly told me that you didn't know I was gay. I don't want you to worry because...You know, I'm not after you. ROBIN I'm not worried....Why? JANE Luck of the draw, I guess. ROBIN No, I mean, why aren't you after me? JANE 'Cause you're not my type. ROBIN Oh....Gee....Is this a black-white thing? JANE It's more like, uh, blondes-Carpenter thing....You're safe with me. Um, is there somebody I should call or something, like family? ROBIN Oh...my mother? We don't communicate much. I mean, we're...What about you? You've got to get to L.A. Would you get me some more ice? JANE Sure. ROBIN AHH! JANE What is it? Wait! Wait! Wait! WAIT! What is it? Are you in pain? ROBIN No. JANE What is it? ROBIN I don't know where to go. I don't have any place to go...I don't know...anyplace... JANE Okay. Okay. Okay. Sometimes, if you don't have any place to go, it's probably a good idea to stay where you are. Okay? All right, here, um...put your arm around me...Jesus, your weight....This might be the wrong time to bring this up, but...where the fuck are we? I mean, really. Where are we? ROBIN Tucson. JANE As in Arizona? Are you serious? Hey, you know what this means? I'm gonna have to go out and get some cowboy boots....What about a horse? SCENE 43 Tucson. Three months later. HOLLY Okay, good. No, I'm just gonna go straight from work. Yeah. Yeah! Okay. ROBIN I'm leaving now, Holly. So if you're coming, get off the phone. HOLLY I'm coming. Okay, I've got to go. Yeah, bye. ROBIN Will still have to pick up the cake. HOLLY Do you think she's gonna be surprised? ROBIN That's the idea. Hurry up! HOLLY Okay! SCENE 44 ROBIN So I'll pick up the cake myself 'cause I have to drop by the hospital for a blood test. HOLLY Okay, but I told Abe to meet us there around ten... ROBIN What? Are you okay. HOLLY Kicking all morning long! Anyway, I told him to meet us there at ten. I really think that you're gonna like him. ROBIN Listen. I like any man that dates a pregnant woman. I wonder about him, but I like him. SCENE 45 ANNA Two hands. In this bar we wash the glasses with two hands. That's the difference between clean an absolutely fucking disgusting. ALEX Watch your language, your bambinos are coming. KIDS Mom! Hi Mom! ANNA Get in the kitchen and stay there. She sees you two and the cat is out of the bag. ALEX Oh God. Is there no mercy? I can't believe it. A body like that on a 12-year old. SCENE 46 ANNA That's enough candles. BOY Oh come on. We all know she's not twelve. GIRL It's not polite. HOLLY Oh sorry, am I late? Great. ALEX Hey, ready? SCENE 47 Everyone sings "Happy Birthday" to Jane in Spanish. SCENE 48 ROBIN Can I have a light? JANE Give me that thing! You're such a slut. SCENE 49 ALEX I don't know. It's like gay people are the only people getting laid anymore. JANE Maybe you oughtta try it. ALEX I like being straight. And I think heterosexuality is making a comeback. JANE Not if you have anything to do with it. Go dance. ALEX Excuse me....Say, Robin? ROBIN Yeah? ALEX Would you like to dance? ROBIN Yeah....Oh, Jesus. ALEX My dream evening. Lesbians and cops. What's next, Republicans? ROBIN (Whispers to Jane): Cop. Cop. Cop. ABE Evening, ladies. Sir. I'm looking for a Holly Pulchik. ROBIN Uh... JANE Who? ABE Holly Pulchik. Blonde hair, green eyes, about five- four. ROBIN She's... HOLLY Hey! You made it! ABE There she is. HOLLY I was afraid some crime would keep you away. ABE No, it couldn't. It happens to be a slow night. Fridays...and when Friday's the first and when they get their checks, we have to be ready... JANE It's time to go. Good night everyone, we're going to clean up. Excuse me, nice to meet you Mr. Lincoln. ABE No, please. Call me Abe. JANE Abe? As in Abe Lincoln? What is this, some kind of joke? HOLLY No, it's his name. Isn't that a coincidence? Just like the president. I mean, like, I wonder why his parents thought that Abraham and Lincoln sounded good together. ABE Now, let me guess. You must be Robin. Nice to meet you Robin. And this is Jane. JANE Oh. ABE Hi, Jane. Happy birthday. JANE Oh, thank you. Peppers. ABE Yes, they're from my garden. HOLLY Oh, isn't he sweet? ABE Now, now, Babe. Not while I'm still in uniform. HOLLY Isn't that cute? He takes it so serious. JANE Aw... HOLLY Come on, Honey. Let's go get a drink. JANE Is it me, or is she workin' her way down some weird list of guys who call women Babe? ROBIN I hope she keeps her mouth shut. JANE Right! SCENE 50 ROBIN Where are you and Anna going again? JANE Oh, she's taking me to see some damn psychic. ROBIN Oh. JANE Here's your ride. ALEX Robin. Uh, do you need a ride home? ROBIN Oh, I have a car. JANE Oh no, didn't I tell you? Holly came up to me and sighed and said that she needed the car. ROBIN Oh. ALEX It's on my way. JANE Yeah. ROBIN Thanks. JANE Oh, could you take these for me? Thanks. ANNA Jane! (Speaks Spanish) I don't want to be late for this woman. She scares the shit out of me. JANE Okay. Let's go. ANNA She is really good. You have to prepared when you get there. SCENE 51 PSYCHIC Here we go. There's a long trip here. Traveling. This is nice, you're in love. This is very nice. And...oh...oh... JANE What? PSYCHIC This is a friend. I feel...this is not good at all. There's a sickness here...There's a curse...Yes? Yes. This is a curse. I can feel it. ANNA Can you do anything to remove the curse? JANE Anna! ANNA No, she can do that! Last year I... JANE Anna, sit down. PSYCHIC Let me talk to my guides. JANE You're gonna talk to these rocks? Are you talking to these rocks and they're gonna say something to you? PSYCHIC I'd cross your legs here. SCENE 52 ROBIN You want some? JANE Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks. ROBIN How was the psychic? JANE Don't ask. How was Alex? Did he leave fingerprints all over you? ROBIN What is it with me and bartenders? JANE I don't know. ROBIN He's coming with us Saturday night. To the street fair. JANE Well, good. There's safety in numbers. Just don't let him get you by yourself....I cannot believe he's a cop. ROBIN He's cute though, huh? JANE Yeah, for a cop. ROBIN He does have a nice heiny. JANE Heiny? What is he, two years old? He has a nice heiny? ROBIN Don't laugh! JANE And don't think that I didn't see you checkin' out that man's basket. ROBIN Eew! JANE Eew! What do you call it? ROBIN I don't call it anything. I just wasn't brought up to talk about a person's anatomy. JANE That's probably because you don't have a word for it. ROBIN That's just ridiculous. I do, too. It just doesn't often come up. JANE Okay. What is this, below the belly button? ROBIN I'm not going to say "pussy" if that's what you're after, okay, I hate that. JANE Okay. So, what do you call it? ROBIN Down there. JANE Oh, come on! "Down there!" ROBIN Well, "vagina" seems so formal. JANE But you make it sound like a basement! ROBIN Okay. Honestly? JANE Yeah. ROBIN Fine. "Hoo-hoo" or "cissy." JANE You're kidding, right? A "hoo-hoo" or a "cissy," what is that? ROBIN Well that's what my mother called it. I had a hoo-hoo or a cissy and my brother had a "noodle" or a "dingle." JANE And that's what you still call it? ROBIN Well, it's better than "pussy." Or "beaver." What's that about? I never got that. Or worse... JANE Worse? Did you say worse? Now, what could be worse? I have to hear you say it. ROBIN Well, you know. I'm not going to say it. JANE Oh, come on! "C-U-N-T." Come on, please? ROBIN I don't think so. JANE Please? It'll free you. Try it! ROBIN There's a policeman within the sound of my voice. JANE Give him a thrill. ROBIN I don't think so. JANE I'm gonna wet you. ROBIN No! You're such a baby! JANE Okay. Come on. ROBIN All right. "Cunt." JANE What? What was that? ROBIN I said it! JANE No, you breathed it! I want to hear you say it. ROBIN All right! All right. All right. "C-U-N-T, cunt." JANE Yeah? ROBIN "Cunt." "Cunt." "CUNT!" JANE Free! You've got a dirty mouth. ROBIN You were right. I feel...I don't know, different. JANE That's because you're free Miss Scarlett! You're free! C'mon, let's go get everybody and tell them! ROBIN That can't be good for the baby. JANE Oh, well, you know. They'll probably take a break in the delivery room....Do you miss it? ROBIN What? JANE Sex. ROBIN Yeah, I do....You know what's weird? You never know the last time you sleep with somebody it's the last time. You're thinking: "Oh, we got problems, we got work to do," you know, but you never think...and then you break up and a month later you look back and you go: "Oh, that was it." That Tuesday or Friday or whenever, and you wished you paid attention because it was the last time....Well. JANE Listen, thanks for my birthday present. Because a girl can never have too many (?). ROBIN I know. I'm sorry. JANE No. No. I love it. ROBIN Well, happy birthday. JANE Thank you. ROBIN You're mail is in the living room. Good night, I drank too much. JANE Good night. SCENE 53 Jane plays her new piano and sings a Carpenters song. SCENE 54 JANE So what's the deal? Do you like her or what? ALEX Yeah, I do. I've been trying. But you know, she's got that "back off" thing goin' on so I just assumed that she was one of the girls. JANE No. She's not that. She's definitely not one of the girls. ALEX No kidding? JANE No kidding. Just shy, you know. ALEX Yeah? JANE Yeah. So, I hear you're goin' with us on Saturday? ALEX I am now. JANE We should have a little talk. ALEX Come on, I'll give you a beer. Come on. SCENE 55 ABE Ready? HOLLY Okay. ABE All right. One...two...three...There you go. Higher! Higher! SCENE 56 ALEX You want a drink? SCENE 57 JANE Hey. ANNA You okay? JANE Mm hm. Just tired. ANNA She's having a good time. JANE Yeah. ANNA That's good, no? That's what you wanted. JANE Yeah. SCENE 58 ABE Holly? Hey Babe. Is something the matter? HOLLY No. ABE It smells like marijuana out here. HOLLY Clove cigarettes. ABE Now you know that's not good for the baby. HOLLY Yeah, well, having him come out of that tiny hole is not good for me, either, so we're even. ABE What is wrong? HOLLY I've got things on my mind. ABE It's that guy, right? Nick? HOLLY Who told you about him? ABE Well, it had to be someone. And besides, you keep calling out "Nick" in bed HOLLY I do? Well, maybe it's something that sounds like Nick. ABE Does he know about the baby? HOLLY No. I'm only here temporarily. I might go back. ABE I know that. And I will not stand in your way. But if he loves you so much, why doesn't he call? HOLLY Maybe he can't get to a phone. ABE Come on back to the party. I want to get one dance before we go. HOLLY All right. SCENE 59 ROBIN No, stop. ALEX What? ROBIN I don't know. ALEX You don't like it? ROBIN No, I do. I do like it. ALEX Yes, so do I....Feel me girl. Come on, put your hands on me. Yeah...lay down now. ROBIN Slow, slow, slow. ALEX Okay, real slow. ROBIN Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. ALEX What's the matter? ROBIN Um, I'm a little drunk. Oh gosh. ALEX You are so beautiful. ROBIN No I'm not. ALEX Oh, yes you are. You're so fucking beautiful. And you taste so good. ROBIN Alex. ALEX Talk to me. Tell me what you like. ROBIN Listen. ALEX I want to make you cum so hard. ROBIN I gotta...I have to tell you something. ALEX Honey, I know. ROBIN You need to know something. ALEX It's okay, I know. I'm going to use something. ROBIN What? ALEX I'm going to use something. It's okay. We'll be safe. Don't worry about it. ROBIN About what? ALEX Come on, shh, it's okay. ROBIN No. No. You don't understand. I...I'm...positive. I tested positive. ALEX It's okay. I know. I know. I just don't want to talk about it, all right? Because I already know...What? What's the matter? ROBIN Who told you? ALEX Nobody. Nobody told me. Come on... ROBIN It was Jane. She told you. ALEX Yeah, she told me. ROBIN Why? ALEX It was no big deal. She said you were shy and had...had a bad time with some guy and I guessed, and she didn't deny it. It just came up real casually. It's just part of your history, like hey, she's on the rebound or something so be careful, you know. It just came out... ROBIN What does that make you? Big hero? Bringing sex to the unfuckable. You must feel really good about yourself. ALEX Oh, God. That's not it. I just want things the way they used to be. You know? When I meet someone, someone I like, have a good time, get drunk, and fuck my brains out. Why can't we do that anymore? ROBIN Because you can't. That's all. Just can't. I think you should go home. ALEX Robin. ROBIN No, please. Don't make me beg. Just go. SCENE 60 JANE Hey, good morning. How's it going? ROBIN Great. JANE How was last night? ROBIN Ooh, it was good. JANE Good. Is Alex still here? ROBIN No, he's gone. JANE So you had a good time, huh? ROBIN Real good time until I found out you told him I've got HIV. JANE Well, I didn't exactly tell him, you know. ROBIN No, I know. He guessed. You know, she looks like the kind of girl that tested positive for the AIDS virus. I don't know, she's got that kind of glow. JANE It slipped out. ROBIN What did you think you were doing, setting me up like that? JANE I thought I was doing a good thing. I mean, I know you like him and he likes you. ROBIN Yeah, great. Maybe he'll ask me to go steady. Maybe he'll take me to the prom. JANE Come on. ROBIN What, do you think I'm stupid? JANE No. I don't think that at all. ROBIN You think that you can just put a man in my bed and I'll forget? All it does, if you want to know, all it does is remind me. Alex and you and Holly and her baby. Every single living thing I see reminds me. JANE So what are you going to do? Are you gonna hide in the house? Are you going to lock yourself away? Come on! ROBIN You don't know anything about it. Anyway, it's none of your business. You're the one that's in love with somebody that you can never have. JANE Do me a favor, okay? I'll stay out of your love life and you stay out of mine. ROBIN Not just my love life. My life. Stay out of my life! JANE Meaning what? ROBIN That means maybe this isn't working. Maybe you should move. JANE Okay. ROBIN And take that fucking piano! If you don't, I'll leave it out in the rain. I swear to God I will. JANE All right. SCENE 61 ANNA All the way back against the wall. GIRL Hi! JANE Hi. GIRL How are you? Are you going to teach me to play the piano? ANNA Is this gonna be good? JANE That's fine. SCENE 62 ABE Hey, Babe? HOLLY Yeah? ABE Marry me. HOLLY Get serious! ABE I am serious. HOLLY Get out of town! Look. ABE Freeze, sucker. HOLLY I got you. I'm gonna get you! ABE Marry me. Marry me tomorrow. HOLLY I can't marry you, Abe. ABE You're not...you're not over him yet, are you? HOLLY Well, we're all over him. Like, six feet over him. SCENE 63 ROBIN Mom? SCENE 64 HOLLY It was an accident, or self-defense. I mean, I would never kill anybody on purpose or like, in cold blood. Hey, did you ever see that movie? ABE Shh. Shh. Let's get some rest, okay? HOLLY You don't want to marry me now, do you? ABE Shh. We're together now. We're together. And that's not changing. SCENE 65 ELAINE Oh, she looks so thin....Look at you, Honey. Oh! They gave us a terrible map at Hertz. I have been driving around for an hour and a half. Is this your house? Oh, isn't it quaint. I need to use the little girl's room, Darling. ROBIN Oh, sure, Mom. ELAINE This heat! The A/C is n.g., right Jer? You know me. I like so you need a sweater. JERRY It's two days. It'll be fine. I'm Jerry. ROBIN Hi. ELAINE Oh, I'm sorry! Robin, my daughter. Robin, Jerry. ROBIN Pleased to meet you....I told her I could have picked you up. You didn't need to get a car. ELAINE Well, you know me. I'm so damn independent. Riding in other people's cars, forget it. Well, isn't this nice? Oh, oh look Jer, a cactus flower. They bloom once every hundred years. Oh quick, show me the potty, Darling. I'm about to burst. SCENE 66 HOLLY Anyway, um, Jane called me at work. Wants to know how you are. ROBIN I'm fine. ELAINE Who's Jane? ABE Jane used to live here up until a few days ago. ROBIN Just stay out of this Holly. It's between me and Jane. HOLLY Well, she asked for my advice so I told her, she's an anti-lesbian. ROBIN I am not. ELAINE Who's a lesbian? ROBIN Jane is. ELAINE And she was living here? ABE Yes, ma'am. ROBIN I am not anti-lesbian. HOLLY Not you, her. ELAINE Who? ROBIN Jane. HOLLY See, this is her old problem. She creates a situation where she gets this rejection and everyone else sees it coming. ROBIN She just wasn't being honest. HOLLY Well, I think it's a black thing, too. ELAINE Jane is black? ABE Yes, ma'am. She sure is. ROBIN And you can't live a lie. You just can't. HOLLY Well, there's lying and then there's just not telling. ELAINE She's a black lesbian? ABE Yes, ma'am. That's right. ELAINE And she was living here, with you? HOLLY No, no, no, no. She was just living here. They weren't like, fucking or anything...Were you? ELAINE Were you? ABE Were you? ROBIN I'll get the coffee. SCENE 67 ABE I have to get going, Babe. HOLLY Why? Your shift doesn't start until 10:30. Don't you wanna go upstairs for a while? ABE No, not tonight. Um, it was nice meeting you ma'am. ELAINE You're going already? ABE Yes. ELAINE We have dessert. ABE Maybe next time, thank you. Uh Robin, good night. ROBIN Good night. HOLLY Maybe I'm just too fat now. ELAINE Don't worry, Dear. It's a natural thing. SCENE 68 ELAINE Will they live here after they get married? ROBIN Who? ELAINE Holly and um...oh, that nice young man. What is his name? ROBIN Oh, Abe...um...Well, I'm not sure she wants to marry him. ELAINE A pregnant girl? Is she crazy? She should grab him. ROBIN Well, it's not really his baby. ELAINE So what? She still should grab him. Believe me, I know what she's going to have to go through. You know, I'm a feminist, too. I was a single mother after your father left. You think that was easy? I even voted for Carter twice. But you can't fight nature. God knows you girls keep trying. Treating your men like side dishes. Stick a fork in when needed. Just like men used to treat us. ROBIN Mother, who am I treating? Do you see a man here anywhere? ELAINE No, I don't. And I think it's a problem. SCENE 69 ELAINE I don't understand why you don't come home. ROBIN I like it here, Mom. ELAINE You're not exactly bubbling over with happiness. ROBIN It's a life, Mom. It's not a hayride. SCENE 70 ELAINE Honey, what is this? Oh my gosh! The police are here! ROBIN Yes, I see the police, Mother. JANE What the fuck is goin' on? What the hell is goin' on? POLICE Hold it. JANE Okay. HOLLY Jane, what are you doing here? ABE I called her. I thought that she should know. ROBIN Know what? HOLLY He's arresting me. ROBIN What for? ABE You know what for, Robin. Pittsburgh. JANE You told him? ABE Yes, she told me. And I take this name seriously. I cannot tell a lie. JANE That was Washington, shmuck! ABE Whatever. Anyway, I'm going to stand by Holly one- hundred percent. But I am sworn to uphold the law. And I don't believe I would be any use to her whatsoever if I broke my oath. Now would I? HOLLY He really loves me. JANE Oh yeah, I can tell by the manacles on your wrists! ROBIN Don't say a word. Not to him, not to anybody. We'll get you a lawyer. HOLLY I'll miss you guys. ABE Now I promise you that they are going to treat her right. They know that she is going to be my future wife. JANE Son-of-a-bitch! ELAINE Honey, what in the world is going on? I feel like I've just seen "America's Most Wanted" in person. JANE This has got to be the mother. ROBIN Jane, please. ELAINE Yes, I am. And who are you? JANE I'm the lesbo. I used to live here until your daughter threw me out. ELAINE Well, I'm sorry. ROBIN Mother. JANE Yeah, me too. But I think this makes her real happy, because now she's got the whole house to herself. ROBIN Cut it out. You're just being a baby. Jane, stop! You know, she's going to need our help. JANE No, not our help. I'll take care of this myself. ROBIN Okay. JANE Okay. ROBIN Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. SCENE 71 ELAINE They do that now, don't they? ROBIN What? ELAINE Call themselves "lesbos." ROBIN Oh, Mom. ELAINE And she makes it sound like a compliment. SCENE 72 HENRY She wants to confess. She says she doesn't want to bring a child into a world of lies. ABE Well you have nothing to worry about Henry. Holly has promised me that she is going to keep her mouth shut as long as does not have to lie out loud. JANE We wouldn't even be here if wasn't for you, you brown- nosin' putz! ABE I took an oath, Jane. JANE Yeah, you took a fucking oath, man. Now were stuck here in Pittsburgh and Holly's on trial because of your oath! SCENE 73 JANE So what exactly do they have? HENRY Nothing. Except for Abe's testimony and that's just hearsay. ABE That is the truth. JANE Oh, shut up! Nobody wants to hear the truth. But aside from that, what do they have? ABE They...they have the Polaroid. JANE The Polaroid? ABE Yes. I mentioned that I had seen a snapshot. HENRY It's on the list of exhibits. I mean, come on. What the hell can they do with that? SCENE 74 LAWYER Cold blooded. Cruel. Inhuman. What words would you use to describe a woman who posed and took this photograph? This is a photograph of a man who in a few short hours will be dead from a wound inflicted by this woman that you see before you. SCENE 75 LAWYER ...and not surprisingly, everything that you say...everything that you say tends to exonerate your friend. JANE Sorry. It's just the truth. LAWYER And perhaps not coincidentally, it tends to exonerate you. JANE There are no charges against me. LAWYER Yet. JANE Oh, come on. Your Honor, is he allowed to just intimidate me like this? JUDGE Mr. Massarelli, please. LAWYER Oh, I apologize your Honor. It was unintentional. What is the nature of your friendship with Ms. Holly Pulchik? JANE Excuse me? LAWYER Oh, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase the question. How would you characterize your friendship? JANE I would call her my friend. I mean, come on. What is this "friendship" stuff about? LAWYER That's precisely what I'm trying to find out. Let me put this delicately to avoid offending the court. Is there a "romantic" character to your friendship? HENRY Objection! JUDGE Over ruled. You may proceed Mr. Massarelli. LAWYER To repeat Ms. Deluca, is there a romantic character to your friendship with the defendant? JANE No, Mr. Massaralli, there is not. LAWYER Massarelli. JANE I'm sorry. Unintentional. LAWYER You are, however, one of these gay women that we read about, or do you prefer lesbian? JANE Do I prefer them to you? LAWYER Are you gay? JANE Do I look gay? LAWYER Your Honor? JUDGE Please answer the question. LAWYER Are-you-gay? JANE Yes-I-am. And I'm sure you hear that women all the time. And in my case, it happens to be true. SCENE 76 JANE (Talking on the telephone): She's scared shitless, just like I would be after today. No, I don't want you to do that Anna, okay? I don't want you to do that. I'll call you tonight, all right? Good-bye. (To Abe): You shmuck! ABE You did your best. JANE Yeah, I did, which is more than I can say for you. ABE Justice is hard. JANE Justice? You call this justice? This girl protects herself against some marauding asshole who uses her body as a punching bag, and she's going to jail? You call that justice! Is that what you want? ABE I want Holly to be my wife. I want us to be a family. JANE Where, in the joint? ABE I don't know that. But I do know that there is no kind of family without the law. None whatsoever. Because the law that governs this society is the same law that holds the family together. JANE Where did you read that? On the side of a Cheerios box? ABE You think I love her less, now. But I don't. I love her more. And that is why I had to do this. JANE Come on. Come on! Come on! SCENE 77 ELAINE And they lived happily ever after. ROBIN Did I wake you? ELAINE No. I was just looking for a drink. ROBIN There's beer. ELAINE No. I had some bourbon from the plane, but I seem to have finished it. What are you doing? ROBIN I thought somehow if I made this trip again, we'd all be here at the end like this. ELAINE Oh, Honey. Nobody was happy in these pictures. Except maybe you. Tommy was already so frail. And your father.... ROBIN Well, you loved him, didn't you? ELAINE Yes, I did. With all my heart. But I lost him. And Tommy, too. And that's that. You just have to let it go, Robin. Just let it go. ROBIN I can't. ELAINE Well, you have to, Darling. Because it's never going to come out any differently, no matter how many times you make this trip. ROBIN I know that. ELAINE When we lost Tommy, well, your father just couldn't live with that. I don't blame him. It's not right, losing your children. Children are supposed to live after you. Oh, Honey. Are you crying? Oh my gosh. Do you know, I don't ever remember you crying. Even when you were a baby. Isn't that funny? ROBIN Ha! Ha! Ha! ...I'm sorry. ELAINE I know that you're not well, Darling. I don't know what it is and I don't want to know. But I know you'll get better. You were always the strong one. I can't lose you. I can't just lose everybody. I do the best I can, Honey. I know it's not enough, and I'm sorry. But that's what you get in life, you know? You get whoever you end up with. Whoever is willing to stick by you and fight for you when everyone else is gone. And it ain't always who you expect. But you just have to make do. ROBIN I'm not complaining, Mom. ELAINE Never complain. Never explain. Katherine Hepburn. She said that in Redbook last month. It's a good motto, isn't it? SCENE 78 HENRY The best I can do is to pretend like you never testified. Just go on like it never happened. JANE Go on to what? HENRY Honestly? I don't know. ROBIN All right, this is the situation. I am still angry. I do not forgive you for anything. And I don't want to talk about it. Anna filled me in. She told me everything I needed to know about the trial so far, and I know I can help. Because even if I can't, I couldn't make it any worse. And Holly is just as much my responsibility as everyone else's, and so are you. Because you are my family and I love you. Now, I feel fine. My T-cells are over a hundred and I'm rarin' to go. So, unless you want to waste time being stubborn, I suggest we get me on the stand as soon as possible. SCENE 79 LAWYER You expect us to believe that the defendant, pregnant with this man's child, would leave him and never look back? ROBIN It was over. He beat her and abused her. I saw. I saw how he treated her. LAWYER But not to call. Not to leave an address so he could forward her mail. And practical reasons aside, let's just say that she did strike a blow for self-defense. Let's just assume. And she decides to let him stew in his own juices for a while. But a couple of hours, a few days later she realizes, "But he's my little baby's daddy. And you know what? He's not so bad. And sure, maybe he's got a temper." But all she knows is that she needs him. She needs to call him. ROBIN But it was over between them. I know you think a girl like her, the most important thing in her life is a man, but she didn't need him. She had us. LAWYER Well, I hardly think that you're a replacement for a father. ROBIN I don't know what it is, but, there's something that goes on between women. You men know that because it's the same for you. I'm not saying one sex is better than the other. I'm just saying, like speaks to like. Love, or whatever, doesn't always keep, so you find out what does, if you're lucky. LAWYER Well, thank you for that very illuminating view of the war between the sexes. Are you a lesbian, too, Ms. Nickerson? ROBIN No, sir. But at times I understand the inclination. LAWYER Now, suppose there is this bond between women. Suppose men are disposable. ROBIN I didn't say that! I... LAWYER If that's the case, why should we believe you? Wouldn't you say anything, wouldn't you do anything to keep your sister, keep your bosom-buddy, so to speak, out of jail? ROBIN I'm under oath. I wouldn't perjure myself. LAWYER Well, I'm glad that I don't have to remind you of that. And, just for the record...You didn't know...You didn't know until the police told you, that this man was dead of his wounds? ROBIN If I'm lying, may I be struck down with some terrible disease. SCENE 80 HENRY Okay! All right! Good news! Got an offer. Involuntary manslaughter with extenuating circumstances. ABE One to two years, parole after six months. HENRY I got you minimum security in Arizona, two hours from home, and good medical care. HOLLY I'd hate to have my baby in jail. ROBIN What are the chances for an acquittal? HENRY Well, he's dead as a result of her actions, and, juries want to make someone pay for that. She didn't testify in her own defense, and I'm not sure how much good you did her. HOLLY I mean, my baby will have a mother who's a convicted felon. I don't know. What do you think? EVERYONE Well, by the time... HOLLY I mean Abe. What do you think about that, Babe? ABE I think that you should take it. And I will keep the baby until you get out. ROBIN Yeah, but... HOLLY That's what I'll do, then. HENRY Fine. I'll tell them we'll take it. HOLLY I love you. ABE I gotta get in there with you. HOLLY Do you? ABE I want you so much. HOLLY Could we have a minute? JANE Yeah. We'll see you later. HOLLY Oh Abe. I missed you so much! JANE Well, so much for the bonds between women. ROBIN You can't fight that. JANE You were pretty good in there. What ever happened to honesty is the best policy? ROBIN You don't want to go overboard. JANE You know, I've been thinkin' and thinkin' and thinkin' about this and I want to say it. I'm really, really sorry. I truly am. ROBIN Yeah, me, too. I get so angry so fast. It's just it's...lonely. Between me and everybody else there's all this space all the time and it gets bigger and bigger and...I'm on one side, you know...and, I'm screaming and the one person I think I'm holding is afraid of it, too. JANE I'm holding you. ROBIN There will not be anymore lies between us, not even for my own good. JANE No ma'am. ROBIN Good. JANE I'm gonna go call Anna, she's got a... ROBIN Okay. JANE Yeah? ROBIN Go ahead.... JANE Wait a minute. What's the matter? Hey! Hey! Hey! Abe! ABE! SCENE 81 JANE (Talking on the telephone): Elaine? Jane. Listen. I'm sorry to wake you, but we're back in Tucson and she's in the hospital. SCENE 82 Elaine runs to the hospital and finds Robin laying in bed in her room. SCENE 83 Alex meets Jane at the hospital. SCENE 84 PSYCHIC What curse, Honey? Who? JANE One of my friends. Remember when I came to see you, you said there was a curse on a friend of mine? It's my friend, Robin. She's...Look, you know, I don't believe in this stuff. You know that. I just thought it couldn't hurt to come and see you. PSYCHIC Oh, Robin. That's the girl with AIDS. Anna's friend. JANE She's my friend. PSYCHIC Oh, boy uh, let's see... JANE So can you do it? PSYCHIC Do what? JANE Take the curse off of her. You said you could... PSYCHIC It's AIDS, Honey. JANE I know that, but right now it's just a lung infection, see, and...I don't want a miracle. I just want to give her a 51-49 shot. I mean look, I brought money. I could pay you right now. PSYCHIC Pay when it works. I can't promise anything. SCENE 85 JANE Don't wake her up. NURSE Just doing my job. (To Elaine): Is that a cold? She can't afford an infection. I'll have to mask you. JANE Are you blind? Can't you see she's been crying? It's her mother. NURSE People think that they're being nice but they come here with colds and it's not a nice... JANE It's not a goddamn cold. Don't be such a hoo-hoo! NURSE And what's a hoo-hoo? ELAINE It's a cunt, Dear. Now why don't you leave us alone? SCENE 86 ROBIN Tommy? Tommy? JANE Hey. It's just me. ROBIN I know. JANE Okay. ROBIN Where's Mom? JANE She had to go back to the house. ROBIN Will you call her? JANE Sure. (Talking to Elaine on the telephone): Yeah, hi. Uh, she's asking for you. (To Robin): Do you want me to get a doctor? ROBIN No. No....I had a crush on a woman once. I was ten. JANE That's when I had crushes on boys. ROBIN She was a strawberry blonde. That's what my mom called her. She was a baby-sitter at the hotel we stayed at right before my Dad went to Vietnam. She was beautiful. Strawberry blonde. JANE I used to be a strawberry blonde, too. ROBIN It was me you loved, wasn't it? JANE Yeah. Still do. ROBIN Well, I loved you, too. I don't want a funeral, but Mom will. But it's got to be here. Don't let her take me back to San Diego. JANE Okay. ROBIN And afterwards, have a big party at the house. Okay? JANE Okay. ROBIN Big party. JANE A big party. SCENE 87 NURSE You can do it! Push! Push! Come on Holly, you can do it! Push right into it. Take a deep breath. Good! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! DOCTOR Give us a real good push now....The head is coming. SCENE 88 Abe visits Holly in the hospital. SCENE 89 ABE I wanted to be here to help her with the breathing and everything. JANE Next time. Next time. Have you ever seen one of these things? ABE Uh uh. JANE They're really ugly. ABE Where are they? JANE Let's go. Whoa, wait a minute! Come on, man! SCENE 90 ABE Firstad. Mitchell. Pulchik. JANE Don't look at me. SCENE 91 EVERYONE Welcome back! ABE You made it. You're back home. ELAINE Isn't she beautiful? HOLLY Hi, little one. Hello. Welcome. Welcome Mary Todd. (Holly hands the baby to Robin). JANE Push it right out. SCENE 92 Everyone is singing "Mellow Yellow" at the party outside. SCENE 93 JANE It was rough goin' in there. But she managed to pull herself through, you know. And the next day the Pentamidine kicked in, so.... HOLLY What are her T-cells now? JANE Uh, they're about 35. They were under 20 before. HOLLY She just...she doesn't look good. JANE She looks great. SCENE 94 JANE Everyone, welcome Holly home, with her new baby and her new husband Abe. We're all glad to be here with our friends. And I want you right now, ladies and gentlemen, to put your hands together and give a round of warm applause, to 1983's fourth runner-up in the "Star Search" talent competition! ELAINE No! No! No! Jane! Jane! It was third runner-up, not fourth. I told her. Fourth was this terrible little boy tap dancer with pimples. He only got that far because he cheated. I mean, that is the only reason that I... ALEX Elaine. ELAINE What? JERRY Shut up. ELAINE Jerry! ROBIN (Singing): "Every time I look into your loving eyes...I see love that money just can't buy... JANE (Singing): "One look, from you...I drift away...I pray that you are here to stay...Anything you want, you got it...Anything you need, you got it...Anything at all, you got it...Baby...Every time I hold you I begin to understand...Everything about you tells me that I'm your best friend...So I live my life to be with you... 'Cause no one can do the things you do...Anything you want, you got it...Anything you need, you got it...Anything at all, you got it...Baby...Anything you need...Anything you want...you got it...Anything you need, you got it..." SCENE 95 Jane looks at Robin's empty wheelchair. HOLLY Ready to go? JANE Yeah. HOLLY Okay. But you better be back for Christmas because Mary Todd's expecting you. JANE Yeah, I will. HOLLY You make sure you call me as soon as you get to L.A. I want to know how the audition goes. JANE Okay, Mom!